Habit Training Cards

I think I disliked sticker charts before my kids were even old enough to use them. How long have these inconveniences been used in teaching kids good habits? I know my Mom told me about using them to potty train kids when I was a girl and had begun babysitting for the neighbours. I suppose that means she used one when she taught us to use the potty, and I vaguely remember another occasion when check marks on a wall chart were supposed to motivate me to do some thing of importance.

When my kids were very small we used go to a Moms & Tots group. Wouldn't you know it, anytime one of the parents mentioned that their kids were disobeying or forgetting to do a chore, the educators would tell the parent to trot out the sticker chart.

The kids had charts at school, too. Well past the point that I thought they would (or maybe should) care about earning a sticker or a check mark. (Didn't our teachers leave off with this kind of thing after the second grade?) Regardless, they were all over the school.

Stars for good behaviour earned the kids rewards. Kids who earned lots of rewards got fast food coupons in the monthly assembly. Classrooms whose kids had all behaved earned pizza lunches.

Or kids could "earn" themselves minutes on the blackboard or the playground supervisor's clipboard. Those weren't good things. They were tallied up for talking in class or misbehaving at recess, and they got kids so many minutes of time-out. It meant getting held back in the classroom several minutes at recess, or on the playground, being made to stand at the wall.

They came home with the kids too. Toothbrushing charts from the dental hygienist. Exercise charts from the Public Health Agency. Reading charts to be sure the child had done their daily ten minutes of reading. (And after that, should they put the book down?) Charts to tick off for memorizing arithmetic facts.

OK, I get that kids often need something visual so they can relate better to the assigned task or see the progress they are making. But I also wonder about the way these charts are being used. When my 10 year old tells me she needs a chart in order to remember to follow her morning routine (eat, clear the table, get dressed, make your bed) I wonder if the stickers have become a bit of an addiction.

I also wonder if we're not raising kids who are trained to ignore any task unless it is written up on a chart so they can earn a reward for doing it. Or children who are absolutely literal (You said I had to brush my teeth - you didn't say I couldn't paint on the mirror with toothpaste at the same time!) Are we teaching our kids to obey the letter of the law, but not the spirit?

Lawrence Kohlberg posited that there are several stages of moral development. Behaviour at the pre-conventional level is based first on obedience to avoid negative consequences, then on doing things that would result in a positive consequence. Young children generally have what Kohlberg would have described as pre-conventional morality. At best they are motivated to do something because it is inherently pleasant, or because doing it will earn them a reward or privilege.

I would hope that I am guiding my children away from an avoidance of negative consequences or a quest for positive one. I would like to think that I am encouraging them instead to take pride in a job well done. I want to see their chores become just a good habit, and to see them becoming more self-sufficient, not needing constant reminders to brush their teeth or clean up a mess or put away their toys when they're finished playing. Will they ever do that if they are forever keeping tallies and looking to something outside themselves to tell them what needs doing and "how much" it's worth?

So I say, out with the stickers! Enter a different habit training system, based on the writings of Charlotte Mason, which Debra from NotebookingPages.com has been kind enough to share with us all. You can download her free habit training cards, and read how she puts them to use. (If you want to see what kinds of goals she has set for her kids, you can take a peek at them here - but feel free to decide what you want to work on in your home!)

Before you head on over and look at the cards, yes there are some similarities to the sticker chart. Your kids will still be getting a reward for good behaviour or chores. But the immediate gratification of the sticker is eliminated. And if you follow Debra's model, the goals set are a little more global. Even when she chooses a task like toothbrushing, she includes cleaning up any messes created or found in the bathroom, as well.

Debra mentions in a couple places that neither the parent nor the child is enslaved to this system. It doesn't take a lot of time once the initial cards are created, and there isn't a lot of work in following up once the cards are in place. If the kids are doing everything they should, no action at all is required until the day's end.

If they misbehave or forget to do a chore, they forfeit a card and their daily tally is lowered as a consequence. There's no drama (nagging or giving lectures can be a reinforcer of the misbehaviour.) Because Debra takes an average over several days, a week, or more, behaviour also has to be consistent. It's not the same as earning x number of stickers. A child could miss the goal for weeks at a time, only accomplishing the task when he feels like it. But as soon as he gets the right number of stickers he gets the prize. That's obviously not what we want to reinforce....

The card system is not addictive like the stickers. The importance is placed on the free time on the computer, the special event, or the extra time with Mom or Dad - not on the sticker itself. This is moving beyond tangible rewards (stickers, food, toys, etc.) to less tangible things. Over the long run, it shows kids that if they get the tasks of everyday life out of the way in a timely manner, they can allow themselves a bit of a treat. This is a different lesson than "brush your teeth and get a sticker."

I could probably go on, but I think you can see the differences for yourself once you take a look at Debra's notes on implementing the card system. Go on over, and give some thought about whether this will work for you. We're definitely going to give it a try.

This work was created by Ruby of The Freehold, and is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 2.5 Canada License.

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This post was originally published at Freehold 2 and has been re-posted here as part of a series of homeschooling resources.